So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
