Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize