She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
