My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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