I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
