So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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