Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
