Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
