so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
