I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
