I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
