didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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