So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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