he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
