He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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