My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
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i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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