so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
