any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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