fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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