He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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