i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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