I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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