yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
