I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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