Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize