Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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