okay pat passed out under dana's car
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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