Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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