Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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