Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize