I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
