chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I see more hoeing in ur future