The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
