So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
