So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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