They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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