Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize