just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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