dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
a search helicopter?!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
