These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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