this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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