Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
