So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
