I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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