Its about making memories worth repressing
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
