I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
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Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
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I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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