There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
