I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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