i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
