he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize