I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
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Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
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Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize