found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
