so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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