You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
