And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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