Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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