i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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