Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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